1992 - 1993

the beginning started before i saw a problem. only in hindsight can i see the MS symptoms as such. in may 1992, i noticed that i sometimes had the urge to pee but nothing would happen when i got to the toilet. they call this 'bladder hesitancy' and it was an issue for years. the following spring i had another odd occurrence. while standing in the shower, my bowels moved before i could even turn to get out of the tub. this also became much more of an issue as years passed. that same spring, i went for a walk and my leg seemed to fall asleep. i could barely control taking a step. each of these symptoms went away as quickly as they came.

none of these things had me worried. if you know me, you know i don't worry till a problem is screaming in my face. i was diagnosed in august 1993, but my worrying didn't start until the spring of 1994. i'm getting ahead of myself though.


in june 1993, 3 different co-workers (i was an aide at a special needs school) said it looked like i was limping. i felt like i couldn't walk in a straight line. i finally went to my family doctor. he didn't have a clue. i told my aunt what i felt and she encouraged me to see the neurologist for whom she worked. in june and july we tested - MRI, spinal tap, and evoke potentials (measured my nerve activity). by august it was clear: i had multiple sclerosis.

my mom and i read lots about the disease. i wasn't worried because the worst that was happening was a slightly off-balanced walk. i was never all that coordinated anyway. i headed off to Trenton State College (now The College of NJ) in the fall to begin my master's program in special education.

my doctor said the best thing i could do was to keep a positive outlook. if you don't know me, check out my 'positive thinking' blog. keeping such an outlook was 2nd nature for me. i'm sure it has helped me get as far as i've come. that, and God's grace. my diagnosis did one good thing. it started me on my spiritual journey.

that was the beginning. more to come in future posts.