listening

i've always been proud of my listening skills. i'm great with teachers and with friends. it wasn't until well into my MS diagnosis that i learned how to listen to my body.

from the beginning, most days i began by feeling my way through activities. stand up, do i have my balance? later...what can i hold onto to get me from here to there? then, do i have the stamina to use my walker or do i need my wheelchair? when i didn't listen and tried to push myself further i usually paid with fatigue.

then there was my bladder and bowels. even when i listen carefully, my body often changes its mind. getting to the toilet and nothing happening. hearing the announcement that something's coming only seconds before the arrival. the worst symptom i've experienced by far is bowel incontinence.

in more recent years i've been listening for progression or lack of it. it's often hard to tell. was this a problem last month? especially being on my more recent disease modifying meds. with tysabri, i felt less fatigue. i could get a shower without exhaustion. i could visit with friends multiple days without exhaustion. my friends stopped saying, "you sound tired." now, 5 months off tysabri, showers are tiring and 2 activities in a day wipe me out. i'm also having more frequent trouble with my fine motor skills. i've only been on gilenya a month and a half. i'm hoping that in a few months the gilenya will pick up where the tysabri was helping. so i listen daily in the hope that things will be the same as yesterday.

i've also been trying to listen to and follow my conscience. i want to stay up to read more. my conscience will tell me, "i need my rest." i'm trying hard to obey because i've noticed my conscience ALWAYS works for my benefit.

what do you hear when you listen?