canes and walkers and wheelchairs, oh my!

i'll try to get back to the story i started telling a year ago.

in 1994, i worked through a major depression. i'm not ashamed to say that i continue counseling and anti-depressants to this day. fortunately, i never again felt as depressed as i did that year. still, ongoing physical struggle brings ongoing emotional struggles and so, ongoing treatment.

i'm about to discuss the progression of my disease. keep in mind, most people with MS have the relapsing-remitting type where symptoms come and go. i don't want to scare anyone with my story. my progressive type of MS comes, stays and gets worse.

during my 1st year of grad school i could get by with a cane [i had a pretty one that some friends designed with a vine winding around it].

after some months it was clear that a cane was not enough help. i fought the idea of using a walker. i was 24, not a senior citizen. finally i gave in, and what a relief it was! it was no longer a struggle to stay balanced. i could lean with both hands. i used a plain metal one most of the time that i would pick up and move with each step. i also got one with 4 wheels, a basket to carry things [try carrying things with both hands moving a walker], and a seat i could use if i was walking a distance. i actually used it to walk and take photographs at longwood gardens [several acres].

by my 3rd year of grad school, the walker was only good for short distances [around the house or into a convenience store]. when i did my teacher practicum, i used my first wheelchair.

i'm going to go off on a tangent. the 1st time i ever used a wheelchair, i was going to an art museum with friends [one of whom is now my husband : ) ]. it was a crowded space with everyone's butt in my face where i could barely see the artwork hung at a standing person's eye level. by the time we left, i could barely control my tears or explain why i was so sad. it was a dose of the reality of my new life with MS.

so, back to my practicum... i used the wheelchair most of the time, but i could get up and walk around the room with a cane [a yard or 2 tops]. that 1st wheelchair was a rental not my size and too heavy for me to get out of the car. by the end of that autumn, we ordered a wheelchair fit to my size and needs. i could fold it and put it in the back seat when i drove. somewhere along the line i switched to hand controls for driving.

the combination of walker at home and wheelchair in public worked for quite a while. i finished grad school and, after a year of interviewing, got a job as a special ed teacher. still, things were getting worse. in the spring of 1998, i was fortunate to have my family renovate our home so it would be wheelchair accessible [i'll save my rant on accessibility for another post]. when the renovation was complete i used my wheelchair full time.

after my art museum experience, i gradually adjusted to the situation. using a wheelchair made my days much easier and less tiring.

it doesn't end there. in 2001, i got my 1st power chair. propelling myself through the school hallways was too much for me. the power chair was great for work and trips to longwood gardens, but i otherwise used my manual chair. i'm sad to say that i'm losing strength and now use my power chair most of the time.

i don't want to think about what might be next. i don't worry much about the past or the future. i do a good job of simply enjoying each moment as it comes. i also know that whatever the future brings i'll be o.k.